I used to drink a lot. Recently I remembered a soiree I went to during the hard partying days in Montreal. It was at a friend’s place (actually the dude I had lost my virginity to several years prior. He was so wasted that night in 2005 that afterward he put his pants on backwards! True story, you guys). Anyway, so we’re at this dude’s hipster party in Montreal and, quite predictably, I decided to take off all my clothes and have a bath. It seemed normal at the time? I even invited a couple of hot hipster girls to bathe with me, but that’s basically the last thing I remember.
So, like I said, I used to drink. When it was still kinda cute, that’s what it looked like. But over the years it got less and less cute and eventually I got desperate enough to ask for help. Long story short, I’m sober now. As a result, dating is pretty different. (Read: the fact that you have a penis is no longer by itself a good enough reason to sleep with you). But I digress.
Last week I went on a date with a dude who was stoned out of his mind. I knew as soon as we started talking but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Maybe he just has bad allergies,” I reasoned. But when, in the midst of a 20-minute monologue, he shared with me that he was planning to be the US President in a few years’ time, I pretty much knew we were done.
After parting ways with our soon-to-be President, I decided to check out some sober dating communities. It turns out there are a few. I just downloaded an app called Soberse and another called Sober Grid. Hopefully one of them has a function I can use to screen any sober dudes there might be with unreasonable presidential aspirations?
Update: unfortunately, Soberse didn’t have any nearby members available who matched my (broad) search criteria; Sober Grid seems cool as a social networking app, but didn’t really help me in setting up anything like a date.